we have outsourced curiosity

and it's making us strangers to our own instinct.

the year was 2016, i had just started earning my own money, and uploading one too many pictures on Facebook was still cool.

i had recently turned 21, moved to a new city, rented my first apartment, felt a sudden rush of “free will” on weekends, and finally met audacity.

i would book a trip with nothing lined up except how to get there. say yes to a 10-hour bike road trip with no itinerary but a hunger to explore what looked exciting. go to cafes i had heard of but hadn’t verified. try looks and things even without a Pinterest board guiding me.

the primary “why” was simple: i wanted to find out.

not every experience was memorable. some turned out mediocre and some were nothing remarkable at all. but i feel i wouldn’t have any stories had i not been willing to follow that pull - with places, plans, people, anything. how gen z says that we should “do it for the plot”. i actually love that advice.

cut to a decade later.

now, a cafe now gets vetted across five or six platforms before i decide it deserves my evening. itineraries are mapped to the T so i don’t have to think when i’m there (i tell myself this is maximising experience). meeting new people comes with a perception already forming before i’ve given them a real chance. even picking up a book needs more than an interesting cover now, because leaving it halfway would feel almost criminal, like a failed investment.

i justify all of it and it also makes sense a lot of times, but there’s a more honest name for what’s happening.

i am outsourcing my curiosity now.

and i don’t think i’m alone in this. we’re still curious, of course, but maybe we just don’t let ourselves act on it until someone else has confirmed it first.

with all the technological advancement, somewhere, we started needing the world to tell us what’s worth our time. slowly, our own pull toward things atrophies. you don’t know what you like anymore, only what’s been confirmed as likeable.

we bookmark the restaurant after the third reel. we read the book after three friends have. we visit a place after it makes a ranked list. the curiosity is real, but it gets laundered through external proof before we allow ourselves to move.

and in doing so, something important gets lost - we stop arriving open.

when you already know what to expect, you go with a filter on - a perception, a checklist, or a verdict half-formed before you’ve walked in. and, that filter blocks what the place, the person, or the moment actually had to offer. you’re not discovering anymore, you’re confirming. there’s a difference, and it shows up in how present you are - how much you actually notice and how much gets in.

curiosity used to include the possibility of being wrong.

the place that turns out mediocre, the trip where nothing remarkable happens, and the evening that becomes a story only because it went sideways. that risk is what made the discoveries feel earned. when we demand consensus first, we don’t just eliminate the risk, we eliminate the texture of genuine surprise.

i’ve been trying to unlearn this. a month ago, now living in Delhi, i was invited to an experiential dining event. i didn’t have a plus one or know anyone but the host.

but, i went anyway “for the plot”.

when i got there, i felt like i was crashing someone’s party. everyone seemed to know everyone. i sat alone at my table, had a drink, tried the menu, and at some point decided to just be there, for however long, with no anchor and no agenda. after about an hour, three nice girls i didn’t know joined my table. somewhere into the evening i admitted i’d felt like a gatecrasher the whole time. they laughed and immediately made me feel like one of them. i left with inside jokes with complete strangers.

one of them told me she’d seen me sitting alone and was surprised how i was “vibing by myself”. she said she could never imagine doing that. nor can i, my inner voice admitted. how she saw me versus how i was feeling were poles apart, and it made me register something.

i hadn’t done something like that since early years in Bangalore. and this experience only happened because i decided to not know too much before going. i allowed myself to just be curious. because i arrived without a script, i was actually there. i noticed things, was open to strangers, and let the evening in.

this was a big feat for someone like me. i am often socially anxious and prefer to have an anchor. but, i guess i wanted to find out what happens without one?

i felt that giving myself permission to just explore without expecting any outcome allowed me to be more present.

information is great but it also shouldn’t guard you from new experiences needed to grow.

it also backs this recently loved quote “everything in life is a win if the goal is to experience”.

so, i leave you with this:
we’re curious, of course, but the question is whether we trust ourselves enough to act on it, before the ratings come in, before the consensus forms, and before someone we respect has vouched for it.

to take a chance on our own instinct.
to be okay with it not working out.
to not know the ending before we begin.

so, the next time you’re curious about something that excites you but you’re tempted to validate it, maybe go ahead and try it anyway?

you know, for the plot.

love,
tan